Self-management when navigating challenges

RESPOND TO TRIGGERS MORE CONFIDENTLY, AND LESS COMPULSIVELY.

Anyone can become angry – that’s easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way – this is not easy.

– Aristotle, The Nicomachean Ethics

That is the opening quote in Daniel Goleman’s international number one best seller, Emotional Intelligence, a book that teaches us how we can understand and manage our emotions by developing skills such as self-awareness, impulse control, persistence, zeal, motivation, empathy and social deftness. 

The Harvard Business Review called Emotional Intelligence “a revolutionary, paradigm-shattering idea” as it shares robust science and in depth studies showing that IQ is no longer a definer of our destiny, but emotional intelligence plays a much more significant role in an individual’s success and overall well being.

If you are not familiar with his work, Goleman, Ph.D, is a science journalist who has reported on the brain and behavioral sciences for The New York Times for many years. He has taught Psychology at Harvard University (where he received his Ph.D) and his book, Emotional Intelligence has sold more with more than 5,000,000 copies in print worldwide in 40 languages.

This article focuses on one skill of the emotional intelligence faculties: Self-Management, defined by Goleman as the ability to manage one’s internal states, impulses, and resources. This is a fundamental capacity as if we are expected to manage relationships or manage other people (parenting or at work), we must first master how to manage ourselves.

WHAT IS SELF-MANAGEMENT?

Self-Management is broken down into six competencies:

• Emotional Self-Control: Keeping disruptive emotions and impulses in check.

• Transparency: Maintaining integrity, acting congruently with one’s values.

• Adaptability: Flexibility in handling change.

• Achievement: Striving to improve or meeting a standard of excellence.

• Initiative: Readiness to act on opportunities.

• Optimism: Persistence in pursuing goals despite obstacles and setbacks.

When it comes to Self-Management, we are all different and feel that some of the competences listed above come more naturally to us than others, and the good news given the correct stimulus and training we can all improve these essential competencies that are fundamental for us to lead our lives in a more authentic, meaningful and joyful way.

In addition, in the context of leadership they are the soft skills that make all the difference in creating a culture of collaboration and an environment that fosters the innovation much needed to create, develop and grow disruptive businesses that are bringing positive change in the world.

STRATEGIES FOR SELF-MANAGEMENT

Fortunately there is the possibility to respond differently. A practical and insightful way of expressing this possibility appears in the work of Viktor Frankl, a holocaust survivor, psychologist, and best-selling author of Man’s Search for Meaning. Steven Covey summarized Frankl’s teachings with an anonymous quote: “Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and our power to choose. In our response lies our growth and our happiness.” 

So in order to manage our emotions more skillfully we need space to move from reacting to responding, and below three straight forward self-management strategies to make it happen:

1. THE STOP TECHNIQUE:

Stopping before reacting is a wise advice that is so simple that we tend to not give the value it deserves. The acronym STOP reminds us to –

StopTake a breath: prolong the pause and allow your nervous system to get out of a fight-flight-freeze response.Observe: sensations in the body, thoughts, feelings, emotions.Proceed: from a calmer, collected and more considerate place

2. THE THREE BREATHS PRACTICE:

In the heat of the moment you might not have much time to do a great amount of rational and analytical thinking, but you do have time to take three breaths and incorporate this micropractice into your argument. It heightens your emotional awareness and elevates your response in a matter of seconds:

1st Breath: Notice your body – try to relax if you can!2nd Breath: Notice your feelings – check in with yourself3rd Breath: Notice your thoughts – and work with emotions with greater confidence

3. JOURNALING PROMPTS:

If you are already adept at free-writing and enjoy using a pen and paper to express your emotions without the need to edit yourself, using journaling questions can prompt you to find insightful answers. In the context of self-management here as some good questions to ask yourself:

Prompt 1: When I stop, breathe and observe I notice (write down sensations, emotions, thoughts)Prompt 2: What I truly care about this situation is…Prompt 3: One way I can proceed is…

I hope this article assists you in managing your emotions more effectively and makes you lead from a more balanced, intelligent and human perspective.

Written for Balance Media.